Life after January 11

its been 24 hours since ive celebrated my birthday.

It wasn't that memorable and probably is the worst birthday i have.

my friends didn't greet me. They must have forgotten about it, or maybe they were so busy to realize that its my birthday…or maybe they know but they dont have the time or load to text me.

Anyway…though it hurts to be forgotten on your birthday, i guess i understand them.

Not all people considers birthdays very important. Maybe they do too.

I mean, maybe they think its not that important to greet the celebrant but who knows?maybe despite of their insensitiveness, maybe they too remembered me.

I celebrated it alone. I bought a cake and ice cream and treated myself.

I bought myself a gift too. Of course its a book again.

I even treated myself to a well deserve rest.

But what is life after that day?

well?Its still awkward getting used to it.

Ive been 18 for only 24 hours and i still have to adjust to this stage in my life.

Im no longer a minor now. Legally, im an adult now.

I can decide for myself and do what i want.

but why am i so scared of doing something against the will of my parents?

Maybe because of the kind of upbringing i had.

im scared to do things like what other mass communcators are doing… i mean, my classmates and upperclass.

just thinking of myself getting drunk chills me to the bone.

what will my parents do if they find out?They will never trust me again. So, to avoid hurting them…i won't do it.

I won't smoke.

I wont get drunk nor drink any liquors.

I wont even entertain suitors.

YEah and i mean it.

Im 18 now but that doesnt mean that i will have to conform with the rest of my generation.

That doesnt mean i already have the right to get drunk..(and be raped??ngek! ala nicole???)

That doesnt mean that i now have the right to go against my parents.

I am still "totally" dependent on them and it would be embarassing to fail them.

I am 18…so i guess i have to be wise with whatever actions i make. After all…i am fully responsible of all my actions now.

THE COUNTDOWN BEGINS

its January 2,2007. Barely ten days before my eighteenth birthday. 

I've always looked forward to this day and as it gets nearer and nearer i  felt more excited and anxious.

So what has this year got to offer me?

2006 has been both a year of triumph and tragedy for me. It gave me challenges i never expect nor imagined to encounter. The year 2007 will surely be harder and more challenging as i finally become an adult, legally.

What will happen this year is beyond my knowledge and understanding but i hope i will be open minded enough to accept defeat, failures, lessons and wounds.

The year opened with problems for me. I still have unsettled things carried over form the previous year. I still have my heartaches and regrets. My wound still isn't healed, and im still bleeding but still willing to face whatever awaits me in the outside world.

Like in the past, the cyberworld has been my only channel this year. I guess this is the only place where i could fully express my self without being laugh at or judged.

I met a lot of people who became part of me. Some of whom i still have and some who left me and there are others who, i know would soon be leaving. Some of the people i met left me wounded and some were left to me to help me tend the wounds. I have to forgive those people,soon…but not now.

I discovered something when i went home. It hurt me but i never let my family knew. There is no need for them to know. Besides, i had always tended my wounds alone.

I stepped into 2007 with a broken heart, an almost broken family, and so many unfinished things that has to be settled. I know there is more to come and i hope i would be strong enough to face it.

This is only the second day of 2007 yet, it seemed i've been living it for a decade.

Tons of problems had already piled up and have to be face, now or die.

There is mroe to come.

I will face it.